The postpartum period and newborn life can be a very grueling and isolating time. It would be amazing to be surrounded by friends or even A friend, but then again life feels chaotic, you and your house are a mess, and you can even feel thankful that certain friends CAN’T see you in this state. Social media can seem like a very convenient avenue to help ward off the loneliness from newborn life, and possibly even the place to get answers to some of the questions about new things you’re experiencing.
However, as helpful as it may be at times, social media can end up bringing you ten new problems for every one problem it may help with. You may be struggling immensley with getting your baby to sleep more than one hour at a time. You may have tried every possible sleeping arrangement, bedtime routine, sleep sack, and feeding schedule. Maybe all of this is happening and your baby isn't even a newborn anymore. Maybe they are 10 months old. When you hop on social media that evening, you see someone talking about how their 3 month old routinely sleeps 12 hours at night and you just want to scream. Honestly, people should really just keep that info to themselves if they are so lucky. It can really mess with someone’s head! Maybe you also see a mom with a newborn seeming to be really generally happy most of the time and you wonder what’s wrong with you. You know her house can’t actually look great all of the time, but you can’t help but feel frustrated that you can’t seem to ever really get your kitchen clean. You see more and more posts that you can't help but compare your own life to: that mom whose marriage seems to be unaffected by a new life being thrown in the mix. How is it possible that they actually seem happier with each other? What you felt confident about when it comes to your baby and their feeding habits now seems to be thrown off by what another mom’s baby is doing. The cycle can seem never-ending, and can turn a perfectly positive day for you on its side in no time.
Social media is advertised as a means to make us feel “connected” with others. However, if we’re honest with ourselves, when was the last time we really connected with someone one-on-one through messaging on social media? What probably happens more often than not, is we allow the convenience of social media to help us get a glance at someone’s life, and they with ours, without really having to get too involved. We’ve all been guilty of it, and sometimes it’s just the dose of nothing-ness we need to unwind a litte in the midst of parenthood. What we have to ask ourselves is how much good we are really getting out of it, and how much does it become detrimental to our mental health?
I highly encourage taking a social media break when you are feeling the tug to do it. Sometimes you really just need the chance to live in the moment with your family without influence or comparison from anyone else. You need to be able to let your good mood have a fighting chance at survival without anyone or thing online swooping in and ruining it. How long the break lasts is up to you and what is doable in your opinion. You can commit to a shorter time period and reevaluate whether you want to extend that time when you get there. And if you are feeling lonely during feedings or in the midst of mom life, my recommendation would be to reach out and text or message a friend you’ve been thinking about. You are likely to get way more of a “connected” feeling out of that than you would from scrolling anyway!
If you feel comfortable with messaging and reaching out to a mom friend regularly, the next step I highly encourage for mental health benefits as a new mom is to get together with moms or a mom regularly! Again, it will seem easier to just stay at home and keep your mess to yourself. But I promise, another mom is feeling the same way as you and needs human connection way more than any bit of productivity trying to clean the house would bring. You probably know exactly what I’m talking about if you have noticed the difference in your mood on days where you’ve seen a friend versus days where you haven’t. Maybe houses are just too overwhelming for you whether it’s about them being clean or the stress of babies and toddlers fighting over toys. If this is the case, I really recommend story time at the libary, the park for a play date, music class, or a class like the one you’re doing! Just some way to connect with other moms and break up the monotony of your day.
And routine. Routine is huge for your mental health as a new mom. Having something on the calendar regularly that you look forward to and that forces you out of the house is so good for you. Start small and work your way up to bigger outings. No matter what, don't forget to tap in to real life regularly for a good dose of reality to give you a better perspective on how challenging this season can really be, for everyone!
P.S. Please enjoy this pic of my life when I had a 6 month old and 4 year old. A lot of slow, non-glamorous, sometimes completely overwhelming, and at the same time beautiful days.
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