Postpartum Depression can look like this.
May is Maternal Mental Health month, and maternal mental health is my “why” in choosing to become a postpartum doula. Between my two postpartum journeys, I believe I had postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and postpartum OCD.
I could smile through it, and when it first happened I was scared to let anyone find out. I didn’t have much education on it at the time, but I knew for certain I was not myself by a long shot.
It also looked like: spontaneous crying, intrusive thoughts, obsessive cleaning & general “doing”, lack of laughter and really being present in any moment, irritability, and inability to sleep even when given the chance.
So many moms go through this. Very many go through the shock of not being prepared for it. Education is key, and also a plan of action ahead of time. When you are going through this, you don’t have the ability in you to easily find a mental health professional or seek medical help. Prevention is key, but even if you’re in the middle of it, you can reach out for support. You must. Your loved ones must on your behalf.
If you have a history of mental illness of any kind, you’re at a higher risk. But even if you don’t, you can still experience this.
Truthfully I prefer to keep my weaknesses private. But I’ll swallow my pride if it means one mom doesn’t continue to suffer in silence. We are that important, and there is hope! This doesn’t have to last forever. There is so much beauty that awaits you in motherhood.
I don’t know what the answer will be for you, but I do know that you need a support group. Whether it’s online or in person, you need to be validated and reassured that this is very common. Your hormones aren’t your fault. Nor are your family history or past traumas. You really, really need other moms to lean on. Fight isolation with all that is in you!! It seems easier, but it’s the wrong direction.
You can make it through this and one day very soon your smile will be real again.
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