While becoming a mom is such an amazing, beautiful time in life, nothing quite prepares you for the changes it will make to your social life- sometimes instantly.
You may be adjusting from working to staying at home, either full or part time, or you may be making the adjustment of being the only friend in your friend group who is a mom. This can be really lonely feeling, as you may feel like suddenly no one really understands what you're going through. Because newborn life is so demanding, you can easily retreat into your shell of home isolation. But at some point along the way, you must break out of that shell for your own good, and for the good of your family.
This chapter can be very scary and uncertain. Maybe you've already experienced or observed some mom-shaming on social media. It might have even given you flashbacks to your junior high years where the "right" or "cool" thing to do seemed to be changing every day.
I promise you though, motherhood is an invitation to become your realest self- if you let it be. The more you are willing to admit that you're in the middle of a learning curve, the more you make others in the middle of theirs exhale. The less you care about being fully "done up" to go out, the less another mom will feel intimidated to approach you.
Did the mention I just made of talking to another mom for the first time give you a rash? Then you're ready. One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves about other people says something like, "They don't want to be bothered. They don't want me to say hi to them." Or in mom world it might sound something like, "She is probably just as exhausted as me and isn't really here to talk to anyone. She's just getting through this outing for the sake of her baby." Do YOU want to be left alone all day and have no other adults speak to you? Of course not.
While you let all of that simmer, here are some great starter places for meeting other moms:
Storytime at your local library
Mommy & me gymnastics classes (even for non-walking babies!)
Postpartum support groups
Church nursery and/or small group for moms
Local parks
Neighborhood or local pool
Splash Pad
Target!
Start with, "Hi, I'm _____, what's your name? What is your baby's name and how old is she?" Then answer about your baby. Introducing yourself first is good, even if you have to ask her to repeat her name moments later. This is important because we can easily forget that WE matter too, not just our babies. If this feels cringey to imagine right now, don't worry, it does get easier. And remember, in the world we live in, she'll probably just be so glad when she realizes you actually aren't trying to sell her into an MLM!
But speaking of the online world, it presents us with an awesome opportunity to exchange information in a less awkward way. If you've had a good conversation and you think you could see yourself getting together for a play date (Isn't this so much like dating?!?) you could say, "Are you on Instagram? Let me look you up." Soooo easy! This is also key because if for some reason you see something on her page that makes you realize you aren't a match, you don't have each other's numbers. But if all is well, you can message her to invite her to meet up at the park!
Having someone in your life who is going through what you're going through as a new mom is priceless. Someone like this is going to understand the day to day highs and lows, and in time, you can learn to lean on each other. This is going to be so much more valuable than social media only friendships. We all need real human connection. And when entering into a new season of motherhood, we need that more than ever.
You got this!
Nikki
P.S. A book recommendation I have on this topic is: "I'll Be There, But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants". It's all about finding authentic friendships at any age or stage!
P.P.S. I realize the sad truth that if you're having or just had a baby for the first time, you may not even recognize what this picture is from. SO, go ahead and watch "Baby Mama" to get yourself in the sisterhood of mom friends spirit.
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